Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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