just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
