They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
