You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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