we have officially lost it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
