STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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