rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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