my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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