I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
