Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's always time for handjobs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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