dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
