u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize