I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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