3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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