Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
