im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
