you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
