apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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