oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
