apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
