sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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