Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
