Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
