I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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