I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
