im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
