You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
