I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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