Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
