is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
