so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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