You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
