Are we in a gay sports bar?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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