Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
