i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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