either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
