I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
