It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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