Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
