i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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