Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
