My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
