Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
