we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
