I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
