I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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