I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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