After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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