I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
