Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
