Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
