I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
