Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
