It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize