so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
