If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
