made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
