I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
