I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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