Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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