I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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