There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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