you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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