Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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