i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
