Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
