Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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