Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
