a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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