The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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