first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
