I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
