Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
