I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
