Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
