You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
