I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
