matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
